Treat yourself as you would treat others.

I remember the days of my youth using writing to get down fears and anxieties. I reread it now sometimes and my God, I am so hard on myself. I would never talk to another person like that, so why did I treat myself that way?

It was something people often told me- "stop beating yourself up."

I, as with most of these seemingly stock phrases, couldn't quite understand the meaning behind the words.

It is one of the most important lessons to learn, especially for someone who struggles with low- confidence or anxiety. Give yourself a little hug, pat on the back or some support.

A couple of ways I have found useful:

1. Notice when you do it. Notice the anger, resentment and cruel words you throw at yourself.

2. Each time you go through something like this try to imagine what you would say to a friend who was going through it. Write a letter to yourself if that's easier.

3. Try to write down some positives you could take from the situation if you choose to.

4. Talk to someone about it. I used to choose my mum, but she is very different to me so would end up worrying about me for weeks, even after the issue had passed, purely because she didn't understand my reaction. I felt quite bad about that when I realised (even though she would be horrified if she knew that I feel guilty) so I wait to cool down before speaking to her. Often I ring my sister instead. We're really different, but I know she gets it. Plus she is far more rational and helps me to see the brighter side. Hearing someone else be shocked about how cruel you are to yourself can also be a good kick up the arse.

5. Remember, each time you notice yourself being harsh, stop and talk to yourself nicely. At least initially. There's time for an action plan later!

Ha, I can just imagine my 15 year old self reading  this right now and guffawing. She would ignore it, realise that this isn't a magic formula and potentially go on not noticing the damage she inflicts upon herself. If you are that age, or any age and struggling with any form of self-loathing, it really is a difficult feeling. Know that you are not alone, you will get through it, and remember to treat yourself like a friend. If that's too hard, at least a vague acquaintance or a human being.

N.B- There is no point where we don't stop learning about ourselves. No point that I have found yet anyway.